Baked, not stirred

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Some day, I may tidy this dog of a page up a bit. Part of this effort would include a page with procedures for efficient admintation of our fair cite.


I am The First, insofar as anyone can claim to be first in myriad multiplicity (apologies, dear reader. I just liked the alliteration), in a general sense. In particular, I myself am the first to invent Zimizmizm and it’s accompay drivel. Please do not attribute any importance to the term, if you might come across it elsewhere. If you ever feel the urge to evangelize, r are other alternatives, but pissing off is a choice.

Reverend Zim_ulator grunts: the spiritual origin story

Glancing over C. S. Lewis' The Screwtape Letters, I consider the how religion and/or faith manifests itself in a person's life. As a child, I embraced my Catholicism. I was a bit more drawn to things spiritual than my peers until I was 14 or so, when my grip slowly loosened over time. I attended a Catholic high school and was considered a Catholic in good standing, but my belief in Catholicism as the true or truest way, in much of the doctrine and dogma, was fading. Nevertheless, spirituality was an integral part of my life.

My limited knowledge of Protestantism made me question the need of an intermediary between God and myself (I still believed in what monotheists call God at this time. I reevaluated ideas like vows of chastity for clergy, inequality of the sexes and others. Through university, reading and attending services, I zeroed in on Zen Buddhism and began to practice. My thinking sharpened, informed by practice, psychology, philosophy. I questioned attributes of God versus my upbringing, the veracity of Christianity in part or whole, indeed if God exists at all beyond the ideas of people.

As a few years passed, I became less and less settled on any one faith (or not faith, for that matter) until I met some local Baha'is through a set of seemingly inspired events. I suppose the world tales on a different hue when you're itching to act in the name of spiritual progress. At the time I was planning our wedding, and with the folly of youth, we decided to marry in the Catholic Church as a gesture of respect for our families. As it turns out, it was much less important to either of our parents than we believed. Because my wife was divorced, the Church required a minor clusterfuck of us, with documentation and the like. Also, I was torn between my desire to become a Baha'i and risking denial of a Church wedding. I developed a hostility toward the Church that lasted perhaps 15 years.


  Gruntled has attained 2 stars.   I don't get why that baby gorilla ate my homework 


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This user is proud to say that he's never seen the sitcom Saved By The Bell; not even for a few seconds.

“If you integrate fantasy with reality, you do not instantiate reality. If you mix cow pie with apple pie, it does not make the cow pie taste better; it makes the apple pie worse.”

~ SBM blogger Mark Crislip on Complimentary Alternative Medicine


Congrats, Mr. Smarty Pants slash Sock drawer kerfuggling expert! You have passed the quiz with flyin' colors! Take your I.D.D. We want to see you use your knowledge of illogicality for new edits and vandalize Illogipedia. Were counting on you.

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~ Eleanor Roosevelt
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This is what happens to people who follow advice from Gruntled.
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Martial arts master Gruntled, performs an obtuse woodland ritual every Thursday.

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Self-described bacon neck and replacement hood user Gruntled enjoys being compared to other apes. He is the first ever to be featured on every cover of Modern Primate'.

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“Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it.

Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions simply because they have been handed down for many generations.

But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.”
~ Siddhãrtha Gautama (Buddha)


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“Today I joined the SGP (Strangled Cat Party) as an expression of my vehement apolity.”

~ Sensei Gruntled on how today, how whole life changed. He is as reborn.

End Table

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This user, for his drug enriched creative writing, deserves The Lance Armstrong Award For Creativity Enhancement.

Keep blazing/tripping/snorting/injecting, Illogian!

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The shy, winsome bat-gorilla. (TalkContribsBlock (rem-lst-all)LogsGroups)

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This article is one of ?pedia's N'EPICs.


Inflatable Hammer winner 2011

AKA Gruntled AKA Reverend Zim_ulator AKA Sensei Gruntled AKA Grunteloons AKA My Anonymous Sock Puppet

I might also be Monsignor Peaches at


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Gruntled spends much of his time talking with the severed heads of his enemies.

Interests, Hobbies, Cults Memberships and Lint

There are some coffees that shouldn't be drunk.

I am an ordained minister (Universal Church of the Apathetic Agnostic and the Church of the Latter Day Dude AKA Dudeism), Bachelor of Mathematics, Master of Spiritual Reengineering, Doctor of Naturopathy, Special and General Relativity enthusiast, cosmology with magic underwear, badger-provoking. Bitten by a radioactive leprechaun in 1960, I have super powers that only work in zero gravity.

I lived in Okinawa for a number of years, switching religions 7 times, and political parties 3 times. I went to university and studied Motobu Ryu, a martial art which became the name of a reptile I owned some 17 years later.

I went to Massachusetts, went to university, did some interesting and unrelated jobs, culminating in a career in software systems development for the energy business.

Nowadays, I am living off the grid, assuming the identity of Reverend Zim_ulator or Gruntled when I need to get my message out to the world. You see, God, or somebody, talks to me when no one else is around, and the first thing I was told was to write the stuff I hear in various subversive intraweb publications.

Things I stole and applied to my ?pedia persona

Qaut Qaut

Dog poops

Gruntled has dropped 8,751 doggie poopies.

Science vs. Christianity

Part 2 in the 53 part "Where the hell am I?" series

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