Warning
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“Warning. Danger. Warning.”
A warning is something that dumb people need to read or hear in the event of a disaster that they should be but are in fact not aware of. In other words, they are alerts for those who are "special" who can't seem to figure out what the hell is going on around them.
Warnings Warn[edit | edit source]
I never really knew this until I read a book, but warnings warn people. That's what my Math book said. And it also said in there that "gawd this class sux" on the margin. I guess my book was one of the revised versions with extra content.
So, warnings warn things. But How? Why? and When? Not to mention What (does it taste like)? We had to go deep to find the answers for these questions. And boy, did we go really deep.
Why Warnings Warn[edit | edit source]
Now, let's get straight to the facts: Warnings warn people. Let's get to the questions: Why?
Going through puberty is tough. But guess what is even tougher? Brainstorming ideas why warnings warn people. It took me a long time to come up with a legitimate sounding reason as to why warnings warn people. So eventually I just threw some things down on little pieces of paper and threw them in a hat.
So here's what I came out with. Warnings warn because...
- ...they want to.
- ...my mom old me so.
- ...they have nothing better to do with their time.
- ...this paper has a slightly different shade of white than the others.
That's pretty much all I could come with. If that's disappointing for you, well go find a dark place and fu— I mean have fun with yourself, buddy.
How Warnings Warn[edit | edit source]
Oh, heh, though that thing above is a warning, don't pay any attention to it! It isn't true! /coughs I was just using that as an... um.... example, yeah, that's it! Example! Hehe! Now continue reading and forget you ever saw that
Pretty much how warnings warn is they have BIG BOLD TEXT that displays some sort of message saying how something "might" happen if you do something. And if that doesn't get the point across, they blast a big giant message really fuc— I mean really darn loud to all of the idiots who are listening so they they can be safe. But the thing is, they would probably be better not warning these people, cause if they're too stupid to realize they need to get out now, they shouldn't be told to. They should be left in there to die. God, I hate stupid people.
When Warnings Warn[edit | edit source]
It would seem pretty obvious that warnings warn in time of danger, but that's wrong. Wrong, you ask? Yeah. The truth is, I'm pregnant they warn all of the time. Regardless if anyone sees them or not. In other words, they are pretty much working all the time, everday, and they never ever get a break from thei job. Whoever invented warnings is a cruel bastard.
Wait, that only applies to signs. Well, if it's a verbal warning, well, it warns when it does. So suck it.
What Do Warnings Taste Like[edit | edit source]
Now this part was the toughest to find out. We had to try doing some test we found in a literature book about writing, but that didn't work very well. But the book did say that the best way to taste things is by eating them, so in turn we tried eating some warnings. We couldn't figure out how the fuc— I mean flip to eat a verbal warning, we played them over and over again but we couldn't eat them.
With that result, we tried eating warning signs. Now that was a big mistake. Timmy, one of our "researchers" tried eating a big giant warning road sign, and ended up choking and dying. Frank tried eating a papaer warning sign and cut his throat too much and died. Then I just licked it, and it tasted like paper.
In conclusion[edit | edit source]
Now we know everything about warnings. everything. So, let's go talk to my friend duck and his opinion on warnings.
Me: So, what inspired you to become the protagonist, duck?
Duckie: Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack qauck quack quack quack.
Me: Hm. Very interesting. Now, what is your opinion on warnings?
Duckie: Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack.
So there you have it. Even a duck things warnings do something.