Y0UR M0M ISSS A C00W!

…OR IS SHE?

'Cause, you know... It's kinda what everyone else told me, so it's really their fault... And at the sleepover yesterday I got dared to say that. And I added two '0's just 'cause I wanted to...um...so...I herd you liek iPods?

Believe me when I tell you this: Your mom really is a cow!
Seriously; you need to just accept that she is, denial just isn't working anymore!

Trust me when I say it, because I know from experience. I've seen many cows before in my life, and your mom fits the bill. Not only does she have huge, milky teats, but she also groans a lot when I stick her udders in barbed wire. Not to mention that ingrown bell-shaped tumor around her neck.

Anyway, just call me when you start accepting this fact. I'll be there, ready to milk her. If you know what I mean.

It's pretty easy to know what I mean. Seriously. It's not even innuendo.

Are you still here?