You don't exist. Therefore, evolution

Him.

I is known to be ruthless towards my father and stop him from being elected by any means necessary, especially by using her sister's, Me's, old election posters.

Hallå, this is Han Himsson. You need to understand where I is coming from, father. Your position is simply not possible under the perfect laws of illogic. I understand that you are supposed to be the man-crab of fabulosity, but Charles Darwin-senpai doesn't notice you. I do not doubt you, father, but the general public needs to have some sort of assurance that you exist. I know that I doesn't know what she's talking about when she says that you're not real. Maybe you could get in front of the public to show yourself and prove I wrong. That would be fabulous. Then they would have to admit that you're real and thus a person.

I'm going to buzz my lips together to make you happy again, father. Bzzzzzz bz bz bzzz bz bzzzzzzzz bz bz bz bz bzz bz bzzzzzzzzz bz bz bz bz bz bz bz bz bzzzzzzzz bz bz bz bz bz bz bzzzzz bzz bzzzz... I hope that helped, father. You've grown more impatient and quiet lately. I wonder if anything ever moves in that little crab brain of yours. Here in Sverige, we have crabs that do sumo wrestling as a hobby. Maybe you should consider that as a way to kill time if you somehow won't get elected president of Absurdistan. Think about it: two male crabs fighting it out and squeezing each other... sounds like what you would love and know how to do, father.

I have considered splitting all the hairs in my body into half, unless that offends your lifestyle, father. I sincerely doubt how that could be. You wear high heels and I'm not offended by that at all, so I don't see a reason to why you should be offended by me splitting my hairs. I have to admit though, that I's arguments against your existence hold a decent amount of water. I think I'm going to propose to her. When we get married, I'm going to name my children after that obnoxious neighbor of ours, You. You will be our new neighbor when we'll move together. I hope he won't drown our apartment in beer like He did last time I visited us. I admit, the beer was pretty tasty.

Nah, You won't be that mad, although He was his role model for his entire childhood. Well, I have to go split my hairs. Who knows, maybe my hair will assume the same beauty yours has. Love and kisses, Adjö, your butt is beautiful,

Your beloved son in more ways than one, Han Himsson