An announcement for all you old fogies

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“Sorry?”

~ Your old self

Oh hi. We're The Funeral Guys[1]. If you want to insure your death, come with us. We'll give you a life subscription to the Daily Mail[2] and a free walking stick to beat a young passer-by.[3] Fortunately, it only costs the average person £999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999!! That's a very good deal. And no medical questions. You can also get[4] a free Garmin sat nav worth £150!

You could be like this pompous man!


Testimonials[edit | edit source]

“These idiots stole my pension!”

~ R. Davids, 82

“I'm 74 and I hate everyone. They made me hate my own wife!”

~ J. Rogers, 74

“They stole £20 from his grave so he could pay his last premium!”

~ D. Adams on behalf of A. Adams

Medical questions[edit | edit source]

  1. Are you still alive? No ghosts allowed.
  2. Are you an angry Daily Express reader?
  3. Do you ramble to yourself?
  4. Do you drive 40mph on motorways?
  5. Do you wear a flatcap?
  6. Can you actually see this?
  7. Do you think this is a typewriter?

Terms and conditions[edit | edit source]

  1. ↑ *Official name Orange Palava Services Ltd.
  2. ↑ **For 25 years only, because the Guru knows when you're gonna die!
  3. ↑ ^Not applicable if you fail any of the medical questions.
  4. ↑ ***win
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