HowTo:One-Hit-Kill Silent Penguin

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Okay.

Here's what you need to know about Silent Penguin

Silent Penguin is very fast, has -176 AC, is immune to low and mid level spells, is immune to fire, ice, water, thunder, and grue, can equip weapons, is strong, is nasty, is huge, can cast spells, has a claw attack, has a chinese burn attack, regenerates health quickly, can dodge most attacks, cannot be chinese-burned, automatically counterattacks, can cast all spells, can defeat newbies in one hit, can defeat everyone else in a couple hits, can teleport, can fly, can shoot laser beams out of his eyes, can wear a cape, can assess a doiley, is immune to all viruses, cannot be affected by internet memes, and has a really wicked awesome death metal CD.

So how do I beat him?

Okay, you'll need to be level one million, have every item, have the ring of invincibility, have all stats at 999, and will probably have to use cheat codes. Now, you have to charge at him hoping he won't off you with his awesomeness before you can get within 10 squares of him. If you do hit him, prepare to be chinese-burned. Assuming your %1 chance to survive that was successful, continue to hit him until he's dead, using your %1 chance again and again. If he uses his cape, though, you're screwed.