IllogiNews:Employee actually washes his hands before returning to work

This article is part of IllogiNews, your sauce for chips and sausages.

Sandwich artist Jordan Bellows washing gross stuff off his hands.

Jordan Bellows has worked at Subway for almost 3 years. As a heterosexual, Caucasian male of average height and build, there is little in Jordan’s life that anyone would consider remarkable. In many ways he is your typical blue-collar employee, except for one little thing that sets him apart from all his fellow co-workers: he actually washes his hands before returning to work.

“I just think it’s common courtesy,” the 24 year old sandwich artist told a reporter for IllogiNews. “I mean, you don’t want me touching your food with my pee-pee stained fingers, do you?”

Not surprisingly, his dedication to personal hygiene has earned him many fans within the local community

“Oh, I just love Jordan,” said Heather Winkler, a frequent customer to the restaurant. “I get so tired of biting into a sandwich only to find bits of fecal matter wedged between the slices of meat. I don’t have to worry about that with Jordan.”

However, not everyone agrees with Heather.

“Man, he is just making a big deal out of nothing,” said one of Jordan’s co-workers who asked IllogiNews to not reveal his identity. “All this washing your hands nonsense is just another way Big Government nudges its way into our lives. I mean, the Internet is full of videos of people devouring all sorts of bodily fluids and you never hear about any of those people getting sick.”

Still, Jordan remains dedicated.

“Yeah, I get some blowback for it. People call me names like Sissy Mary and crudely suggest that I like to have sexual intercourse with men, but honestly if I can help one customer enjoy his or her meal without having to worry about consuming trace amounts of poop, than I consider it all to be worth it.”

As do we, Jordan. As do we.