IllogiNews:Fanged Ham Steak threatens mid-western US
This article is part of IllogiNews, your sauce for chips and sausages.
REPUDIATION, Kansas -- An as-yet unidentified Fanged Ham Steak was spotted on Route 66 this morning, devouring the children in a school bus he's apparently chased down and subdued. The horrific sight of childrens remnants, spread across the scene for hundreds of yards in all directions, made a significant number of seasoned emergency personnel gag and barf.
The suspected pork product escaped from Leavenworth Federal Penitentiary about two hours earlier, killing 3 guards and 5 inmates, and smashed through 2 electrified security fences to reach the highway. It then went north, and caught a late breakfast in the form of 37 school children and a bus driver.
It is expected that perpetrator will try to link up with rebel ham forces somewhere in Ohio or Michigan, and the entire mid-western United States has been put on "Hickory Smoked Alert". Citizens are asked not to panic, stay indoors, do not cook pork products  and call police if there is any indication of porcine rampage in the area.
- Fanged Hams become enraged at the scent of a family member being cooked.