IllogiNews:Fanged Ham Steak threatens mid-western US
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REPUDIATION, Kansas -- An as-yet unidentified Fanged Ham Steak was spotted on Route 66 this morning, devouring the children in a school bus he's apparently chased down and subdued. The horrific sight of childrens remnants, spread across the scene for hundreds of yards in all directions, made a significant number of seasoned emergency personnel gag and barf.
The suspected pork product escaped from Leavenworth Federal Penitentiary about two hours earlier, killing 3 guards and 5 inmates, and smashed through 2 electrified security fences to reach the highway. It then went north, and caught a late breakfast in the form of 37 school children and a bus driver.
It is expected that perpetrator will try to link up with rebel ham forces somewhere in Ohio or Michigan, and the entire mid-western United States has been put on "Hickory Smoked Alert". Citizens are asked not to panic, stay indoors, do not cook pork products [1] and call police if there is any indication of porcine rampage in the area.
- ↑ Fanged Hams become enraged at the scent of a family member being cooked.