IllogiNews:Flying butt wrests power from Cain
This article is part of IllogiNews, your sauce for chips and sausages. |
SAINT GNORIGSBERG, Croatia - Bungling metal band Dethklok has pulled off an act of sheer genius. The 5 bandmates have discovered that, by placing a dark plastic bag over their heads, they can go through time at the speed of time. Brilliant because they will sell these bags as merchandise, thereby adding to their uncountable billions of dollars already made swindling their regular jackoff fans.
The band are also in negotiations to acquire a horde of belching hyenas, planning to release them into the audience at key moments during their upcoming Metal So Brutal It Killed Metal tour in January of 2017. The slaughter will be magnificent.
Meanwhile, General Crozier has been marshaling his forces for a planned assault on Deth House, a mansion conceived by the maniacal ramblings and sketches of a mad architect.