IllogiNews:Parallel Universe pisses me off!

This article is part of IllogiNews, your sauce for chips and sausages.

Sunday, 30 Ergust 2015

48 quadrillion kilometers, roughly galactic North by Northwest by North - Galvanized by news that a parallel universe has shown up uninvited in our neighborhood just pisses me off! The crass, modern interpretations of a head in a pot, quantum chromodymanically challenged and mangled by mishandling, has upset the balance of the physical constants.

In a dream, Carl Sagan came to me last night and told me that had Brigham Young been in his right mind, the sauce never would have thickened and we wouldn't be in this mess now. I believed him, since I am very religions, and immediately sent an email off to Neil DeGrasse Tyson, the chicken wing tycoon, only to have him giggle and point at me during a Skype chat. Damn. I was counting on him

Next, to the major news outlets. They took one look at my beard and pronounced me an apostate Google user. Then, The Onion. Pah! They don't know truth from Adam.

I am left to watch reruns of Rick & Morty, flailing all the way to Hell.