IllogiTurtles

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  BONJOOK, THE BANANA GOD
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The IllogiTurtles are granted automatic pass-through authority in all Bardo States.

BananaGod decreed this morning, IllogiTurtles are to be granted full immunity from simulation, regardless of golf cart usage. These notorious Illogicians on the half-shell have reunited, working together as stealthy mascot-assassins. They were resurrected during their Bardo journeys, interrupting their afterlives unselfishly for the benefit of all sentient beings. Still, they'll kick your ass with little provocation.

The Bardo States of America, although they exist strictly in the eye of the beholder, are individually nothing if not remarkable. This of course does not apply to people who will not die. The girls were singing again, jumping on that damned trampoline. The nonexistence of said trampoline was debated vigorously since the Chinese first entered Tibet.

Ongoing land shark reports, meanwhile, have the locals all in a tither. As a result, Tither stocks are up this week, and IllogicoPedians who had the inside scoop are putting down payments for Ferraris, ocean frontage, liquor, or whatever else might turn the skeezy pervs on.

So, be on the lookout for the IllogiTurtles, tooling around in their modified golf cart. They're there to keep you safe from yourselves.