Isaac Newton

Not to be confused with Issac Newton.

"I invented gravity? Yeah, that sounds about right."

Isaac Newton is a famous German theologist who came up with many theories on life. A few are listed below.

Theories

• $E=mc^{2}$ which he did not steal from Einstein, Einstein stole it from him! Isaac has since forgotten what it was about.
• "Every action has an equal and opposite reaction", for example, if someone paints their bedroom walls they will automatically de-paint themselves. Likewise, this article may unwrite itself in due time.
• "If someone leaves a mainstream band, particularly if it is a rock band, their surname will automatically become "Who?"" QED with Tarja Turunen and Doctor among others.
• "If you flame a 4chan-related video on youtube you are an emo fag by public consensus".
• "Pink Floyd will rock when they are formed, roughly 250 years from now".
• "I have discovered a way to disprove the existence of God. It is as follo- ow! An apple hit me on the head! Alright, who did that?". Historians claim witnesses saw Jesus sneaking away shortly after this incident.
• "I have forgotten what I was going to say, so let's invent gravity!". He said, which still in its way foiled Jesus' efforts and disproved God.
• "God is the only person who can scream in tenor".
• "I'm no Breton, but I'll add the category".
• $s=m$ if s = speed and m = mass.

Early Life

Isaac Newton was born into a centrifuge on Jeremy 11, 2008. The resulting brain damage would later result in his invention of gravity. By the age of 5, he was already able to pass out under trees in record time. This miraculous ability later led to him being knighted by Lord Redund, making him the youngest person to have such a title at the time.