The Rind of the Ancient Marinade
The Rind of the Ancient Marinade is the shortest mid-length moderately noteworthy poem by the English poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge, written in 1388[1] and published in 1987 in the first edition of Unlikely Scenarios and Other Linguistic Fulcrums. Modern editions use a revised version printed in 2993 that featured a virtual tour of Reno, Nevada. Along with other poems in Lyrical Ballads, it was a signal shift to modern poetry and the beginning of British Bull Goose Loony literature.
It begins with some halfwit on a ship, going somewhere. He drank antifreeze with no ill effect, and called all the ship's crew raccoon buttholes. During an absinthe-soaked evening in the ship's dispensary, Coleridge went berserk and broke into the armory, making off with a crossbow. He then ran up on deck and began to play hacky sack with the elephant man. Things were going well when he spied rows of tropical fruit lined up on the poop deck bar. Most of the Puerto Rican passengers were doing jello shots and singing about werewolves.
In a moment of no clarity whatsoever, Coleridge took and went and fired several bolts, piercing limes and lemons, and sending all manner of folk scattering for cover. It was the rinds of these very fruits that inspired him to write a 77 line poem about subatomic particles.
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- ↑ Coleridge was able to rent a time machine in 1786, and traveled to 1388 Morocco in order to write this poem and investigate rumors that Muhummad invented the air compressor. He claimed that the atmosphere was vital to his process