10 Ways To Kill A Person With A Spoon

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Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever give me a spork. That's a whole other waste of your time.



  • Numero Uno: If you sharpen the edge of the spoon, you may proceed to stab a man, woman, small child or baby animal (or, if you're suicidal, YOU....) in the throat. If that person/baby animal/you has an Adam's Apple, well then, it's your lucky day! Unless you're suicidal. Or stupid. Then you're dead. Because you made yourself...dead. Either: "You're a retard," or, "Good for you, you're dead."
  • Number Two: Slap the man in the balls. A punishment worse than death.
  • Number Three: Jab the spoon in the person/baby animal/your guts.
  • Number Four: Attach the spoon to a high voltage source and get the person to grab it.
  • Intermission: Hahaha amazing, baby animals getting killed with a spoon. Sounds like a good brunch plan.
  • Number Five (I cheated during the Intermission, yeah, I can do that): Shove the spoon down their throat and watch them slowly choke and writhe on the ground.
  • Number Six: Stab them in the spine. Either it'll paralyze them or kill them slowly and torturously.
  • Number Seven: Stab your loved ones in betrayal as you spiral downward into an endless void of insanity. Have fun, you're not leaving.
  • Number Eight: Just plain out stab them. Duh.
  • Number Nine:Somehow manage to load the spoon into a gun and shoot the sons o' bitches.
  • Number Ten: Shove the spoon through a person's nose or eyes and reach the brain, poke it, jab it, and wait till they're dead. Modern mummification.

Bonus: Scoop out their eyes and poke their brain with your spoon.