All the features go to stories nowadays
This is an amazingly awesome totally cool story about a guy. He doesn't have a name. I thought of a name for him, but I forgot it. And he has a moustache, so let's call him Moustache Guy.
Chapter 1: Moustache Guy wakes up and does some stuff[edit | edit source]
Moustache Guy woke up in his usual fashion - with vomit in his 'tache and laying next to a zebra. After spending 45 minutes in the bathroom cleaning the vomit from his epic soup strainer (by which I mean moustache), he promptly walked down the stairs, then back up them again, and back down them. He reached the kitchen, at which point he totally poured some cereal into a bowl, and like, totally added milk. He ate up all the cereal like a good boy and got dressed in his uber-fashionable suit, took his walking stick (he doesn't need a walking stick, but it looks funky) and strolled outside like a pimp.
Chapter 2: Moustache Guy meets a really annoying kid[edit | edit source]
Moustache Guy strolled to the bus stop to get a bus to somewhere. He took his place on one of those really cold bus stop seats next to an old woman with a rastafarian hat, a shivering guy with a mohawk, a tautologist, a tautologist, a tautologist, a zebra (awkwardly, the same zebra who he woke up next to earlier that day), a guy dressed in full ninja attire (you couldn't make this stuff up). And a really annoying chav kid. He sat his chav ass down and started singing some really bad song from the charts or something.
Moustache Guy was severly pissed off. Being an avid thrash metal fan, he nudged the kid with his cane and said "shut up". The words were muffled by his epic thick 'tache, so the kid had to question his dialect. "Yer wot?" he said, enquiringly. At this point, Moustache Guy was even more pissed off and resorted to violence, smacking the kid right on the noggin with his funky ass walking stick.
Chapter 3: Moustache Guy gets on a bus[edit | edit source]
Inevitably, 10 buses turned up at once, and Moustache Guy got on one and enquired whether the bus would transport him to Orpington. The driver grunted at him, so he was a complete bad-ass and didn't pay. I know right? Bad ass. He sat down next to a zebra who introduced him/herself as Paul/Pauline. After a lengthy discussion with him/her about yjiilk yijio the volcano over Iceland (the frozen foods store, not the country), our 'tache-y hero left the bus, and with a grunt from the driver, he was off.
What happened to our hero? Who knows. Maybe he got to ze Orpington, bought some cheddar cheese and left. Maybe the Kill Bill theme started playing and he totally owned everyone. Maybe <chuck norris joke>. Where did he go? You don't know.