Behind The Hatred: Captain Obvious and Captain Oblivious
Captain Obvious and Captain Oblivious's relationship, now permanently skewered was once fruitful and opal shaped, like an opal fruit. They used to go to the park and "Superhero-Outer-Underwear" conventions together, smiling all the while. At one particular convention however Sparkilng White Pearls Dentist Man was in attendance and eclipsed their happy grins, leaving them with nothing but a sour look on their faces. Downcast and feeling rather malicious, Captain Obvious lent Oblivious a fiver and kept reminding the forgetful captain of the debt long aftr it been paid back. This carried on until Oblivious developed IllogiAmnesia and remembered everything that had happend. Furiously demanding his money back Captain Oblivious quickly whipped off his name-bearing underpants and began to flay Obvious with them. After an hour of grappling and homoerotic fight scenes the duo left the room arm in arm.
They remained good friends for years after until Obvious decided to get married. Unfortunately best-man Oblivious completely forgot who he and anyone else was the night before the wedding. Seeing Obvious's wife in her wedding dress and himself in a suit he assumed that he was getting married to her. Making up for lost time he quickly got down to some passionate love making with the bride-to-be. Anyway Obvious found out, bla-de-bla, he got pretty damm pissed, bla bla bla, used a pool cue, yadda yadda, Tights flying everywhere, etc etc, and now they're worst enemies. FOREVERRR!!!
Accounts of the Divide[edit | edit source]
“Ever since that particular captain slept with my fiancee I have harboured feelings of hate and anger for him. This has led to the compulsion to speak ill of him and fantasise about exacting a brutish form of revenge.”
“I don't know why he hates me. Who did you say hates me again?”
“Yep it was pretty messy. It seems this Oblivious chap scored with his friend's girlfriend”
“I don't know what they're getting all sissy over - the woman is a *+£!!@%$*^*!!!”
“I died for those fools!!!”
“Have I been quoted yet?”