Blazed Pascal
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“Duuuuude! I am... so high right now... I have no fucking idea whats going on...”
Blazed Pascal may have been a famous mathematician, physicist, and religious philosopher, but he was so fucking blazed all the time that he doesn't really remember. And when I say blazed, I mean blazed! One time he got so baked he started drawing numbers around in a triangle. "Duuuuude, this is a convenient tabular presentation for binomial coefficients, man!" he would say, all glassy-eyed and shit. What a fucking stoner...
Childhood and Early Work[edit | edit source]
Blazed Pascal doesn't remember where he's born, cuz his long-term memory is really shit, probably from getting blazed all the time. I mean seriously! One time, he got so baked, he got Fermat to distract a clerk while he stole 13 boxes of Wheaties, and then fucking ate them all in his basement while we were all playing Warcraft! Seriously! He was such a stoner. I mean look at his hair. Only girls grow out their hair that long! He looks like some kind of hippie. Fucking stoner...
Contributions to Modern Science[edit | edit source]
Blazed Pascal has an SI unit, the Pascal, named after him, which pretty much measures how blazed someone is. 1 Pascal would be like the time Blazed Pascal and his buddies all got really toasted and set beavers loose in the pine furniture store. Beavers! I don't even know where we could've possibly found them! They probably didn't even exist. He probably just thought they were there, cuz he was so fucking stoned all the time. You could just imagine how bad 2 Pascals are! That would be like the time he got so trashed, he started eating these pills he found on the ground. Or maybe it was more like the time he got so baked he started hitting on my sister! What a fucker! He was all like "Hey baby, I introduced the mathematical theory of probabilities..." all high and shit, and breathing all this smoke down her face. He thought he was such hot shit while he was baked, which was pretty much all the time, cuz he was such a fucking stoner. Bastard!
Death[edit | edit source]
Blazed Pascal killed himself by jumping off a cliff.
“Duuuuude! I can fly!...”
He probably thought he was an angel or some shit. None of us really cared though, cuz he would always do stupid shit like that. One time he got so baked, he started shouting at the hanging picture of Descartes on the wall. Yelling about vacuums or some shit like that. It was a hanging fucking picture! What a dumbass...