Crazies

Crazies is both a silent film and code for those who ought to be running things, but aren't. There are many reasons a crazy may not be running a thing.

• Lack of qualifications and/or adequate training and/or education.
• Not being crazy in any form that may be attributed to a fox, literally and/or figuratively.
• A lack of wealth.
• A lack of charisma.
• Insufficient ruthlessness coefficient.
• An inability to distinguish delusions and/or hallucinations from "reality".
• Possessing one or more insufferable qualities which would interfere with one's personal path to power eg. body odor, nervous ticks, insufferability etc.).

There are certainly many more, but this lazy pseudo-journalist is most certainly too lazy to construct a decent or comprehensive list.

No, wait... crazies do run the world

Crazies run the world by controlling idiots and placing them in positions of limited real power. Any of you idiots reading this article can take the advice of this crazy: Google, "narcissus", and go from there. For some reason, when I read the word, "penumbra", I open an umbrella. Damn... just did it again.

Certifications are not necessary to run the world, but they can help by saving time clipping coupons as a way to get rich or something. Like the guards at Buckingham Palace, one must project an outward calm and readiness with the inward churning of thoughts that probably should be tempered by medication.

By all accounts, rice can be crucial. Otherwise, the means to power is road mapped for those with the nonsense to conjure the clues. Competent assembly of facts and ideas results in a collateral catastrophe, or "collaterastrophe", such that power is secured, batshittery is installed behind any and all procedures and functions and you can never have too many puppies. Last week, for instance, I hired local thugs to assault elderly people singing "Chicken and Beans", by Meatwad.

Regional difficulties are nonexistent due to the fact that crazy translates perfectly into any language.

Do not make the mistake of thinking that there is a method to the madness, a scaffold upon which any craziness can be draped. Unlike pyramid schemes, crazies can access fractal-like patterns and buggery-proofed electric cars in as many dimensions as the individual in exclamation can perceive and/or process. A UNIX-like operating system makes everything much more robust, gelatin-like user experience. If you insist on Windows, simply press CTRL-ALT-DEL continuously throughout the process of power acquisition.

Do not make the mistake of thinking that money converts to power by some standard of measure. Money is best applied strategically, quietly and nonchalantly.

Do not make the mistake of believing in anything whatsoever. Be sure to apply Occam's blade judiciously, but remember that the really cool physics is yet to be explained and/or discovered. Killing is bad.

Innocent sounding questions

• Are you on the dole? If not, are you on the Dole? If so, the politician or the pineapple kingdom?
• Are you under surveillance?
• Do you use recreational drugs? Prescription drugs? Homemade ayahuasca?
• Would you eat bacon with guacamole? Whipped cream with shellfish?
• Is pi less rational than this article?
• Do you hear disembodied voices? Are they speaking Pali? Are you still buying those silly patent medicines advertised during early morning television?
• Do you seriously think you are in a position to rule the world?