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The Rules[edit | edit source]

  • The maximum number of players is the number you can comfortably fit into the room.
  • Play with 1d6.
  • The winner is the first person to catch the bus to Orpington.
  • Players may teleport to a bus which goes to Orpington by rolling a 7.
  • There is no visible bus to Orpington.
  • Players go around the board in any direction.
  • The Pi square allows a player to collect either 200 Illogibucks or a pie of equivalent value. If they choose the cash, they must invest it in an Icelandic bank.
  • Pie can be shoved into the faces of other players. This disables them for a turn.
  • Players, if they encounter a bus, must shout, "DOES THIS BUS GO TO ORPINGTON?!", to which the response is "NO! FOR FUCK'S SAKE! IT GOES TO CROCKENHILL!"
  • One piece of sacred scroll is held by each player at the start.
  • The players must at the start of the game select a political party.
  • The player may, if he lands on an opposing party's HQ, challenge that party to a game of Mornington Crescent. The winner gets a piece of the sacred scroll from the other player.
  • If a party collects all the pieces, a member may pray to Eris to transport them on the bus to Orpington. These players, however, must first consult the grand council of elves.
  • Players on the Subbuteo square may take pot-shots at Super Japan, and vice-versa.
  • Players may choose to erect large concrete structures upon tiles, and within them create non-existant cabals and sinister conspiracies and soforth.
  • All DOES THIS BUS GO TO ORPINGTON?! players are forbidden from believing what they read.

The Counters[edit | edit source]

The counters circle the board, eternally looking for a bus to take them to Orpington.

The Goat[edit | edit source]

The most shaggable counter, the goat leaves behind a trail of odour.

The Duck[edit | edit source]

The second-least shaggable counter, the duck may fly to Orpington, however, for some reason it must find a bus.

The Fnurdle[edit | edit source]

The least shaggable counter, the fnurdle is looking for some technology boxes in Orpington.

Seppy[edit | edit source]

Barely shaggable, Seppy wields the banhammer with vengeance. He heard there were some vandals on the bus to Orpington who were planning to move his mansion to Crockenhill.

Rich Uncle Pennybags[edit | edit source]

He got lost in the wrong game, now he must find a bus that goes to Orpington! He's probably shaggable, but would you?

The Banana[edit | edit source]

It is indeed eeble sonk, but it must get to Orpington by bus! I'd prefer not to mention the shaggability of this one.

The Strange Indian Man[edit | edit source]

Hated by bus drivers everywhere, he's back to get his revenge. Shaggable? I doubt it at the moment.

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