David Lynch
David Lynch is a scary filmmaker who makes dark and creepy movies. His films have been known to send grown men into spirals of insanity and sadness. He has been known for his "signature" style and vibrant imagery, which includes cow fetuses, large worms, 80s hair, closeups of random things, darkened rooms, strobe lights, and other incredibly disturbing stuff. In person, he appears very friendly and ordinary, but his craft will utterly destroy your innocence and will plant the seeds of madness in your mind.
He directed a film for Disney which is his most "normal" production. It is about a man traveling in a straight line, and still caused vomiting and seizures at its first screening.
Education[edit | edit source]
Lynch needed no education to become a filmmaker. He was that messed up good from the start. However, he took a lot of time studying plants in his secret underground dungeon darkroom laboratory to prepare for his first films, and as a small child could often be seen standing in the middle of cornfields for many hours, watching the stalks blow in the gentle breeze.
Voodoo Magic[edit | edit source]
Lynch is a large supporter of dark voodoo magic. To complete his daily rituals, he will brew about five cups of smoked newt, along with the heel of a toad and drink this vile mixture. This maintains his strange and evil energies. He also has numerous other methods of worshipping his evil gods.
Lynch sleeps in his secluded dungeon every night, and this is where he says his midnight chants before snoozing. He may sometimes stare off into the darkness for hours, which he says "inspires the most creative parts of my mind".
Lynch's Hair[edit | edit source]
“It is not of this world.”
David Lynch's hair is a separate being from the rest of his body, and is a sort of parasite. It changes shape and texture regularly, something which Lynch has no control over.
Some rumors say that the hair actually communicates with Lynch via magic and sometimes even can control his body. This would explain Lynch's odd behavior and twisted actions.
Filmography[edit | edit source]
- Cow Fetuses in Film (1974)
- The Rhino Man (1980)
- Lynch's Hair Pt. 1 (1981)
- Stobe Lighting in Film (1981)
- Various Unrelated Disturbing Shots of Rooms (1984)
- Pabst Blue Ribbon Advert (1987)
- Seemingly Normal TV Drama (1990-1991)
- Another Psychological Thiller (1997)
- Happyness and Goodeness (2000)
And poppy seeds, many poppy seeds!