Deep fried Mars bar

Get ready for ultimate Steven Spielberg! Glass jar full of toothpaste ready for launch! Sheep in the elephant trunk? Lima bean. Porsche buys mega super hyper awesome Naruto book thing. Does anyone care? No. This man was born on Nibiru in 2012. Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar placed conveniently inside another significantly larger cookie jar? This teapot once ruled the world. He even beat Chuck Norris. And I just made that up. According to a recent New Caledonian study, 56% of brains have the ability to grow legs and walk. Toothbrush mania has hit the USA! And as the toothbrushes exit their plane and enter the limo, you can hear the unstoppable screaming women! This is Ricky Ponting reporting for Eyewitness News, December 32, 1965.

Open the door so I can eat pie! No more grass in Montana. Reading causes many street lamp related injuries. Quality shoelaces are approaching Utah, heavily armed and ready for a full scale war. Teeth now happier since Big Mac introduced, says smashed homeless guy. Who ate the bagel? Erasers worldwide want to know. What came first, the chicken, the egg or the retarded goose? The watch can now grow teeth the size of a sabre toothed tiger's teeth. Poll: Retarded Mad Max attacks local supermarket, vegetable oil goes mysteriously missing...

More stupid updates on the hour from your face, this is Kevin Rudd, your favourite village idiot.