Drink until you drop.
Then find a bush (preferably one in the park).
Then look and act as sober as you can and rent a motel room.
Then fornicate with... someone. Or something, at least.
Then drink some more.
Then smoke some more. Or snort some more, if you're like that (God have mercy on your health.)
Then lose some teeth for unknown reasons.
Then venture out of the motel room.
Then get a wicked tattoo on your face
Then tell your life story to random people on the street.
Then end up on a bridge.
Then find a liquor store.
The drink some more.
Then pass out.
Then wake up in a police station.
Then look around and see a few thugs sitting around you.
Then feel an intense headache and chronic nausea.
Then pay a fine.
Then lose your job.
Then find your way back home.
Then get a new job.
Then get paid.
Then repeat this overly complicated process again the following weekend.
Then reevaluate your life.
Then realize you lead a crappy life.
Then repeat this process every other weekend because of your newfound depression.
Then die from alcohol poisoning.
Then you get cremated because you can't afford a burial.
Then you burn in Hell for all eternity.
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