Emergency room

An emergency room is a medical room to treat emergency patients.

One Saturday night in an emergency room

Chapter 1: A man who dropped his brain

It was a slow Saturday night. I was working the triage desk.

Slow night, it's true, but nonetheless I was beginning to think I shouldn't have eaten that blotter while I was on break. Everything was starting to seem a little unreal.

And then a tall, thin man walked in. This in itself was unusual -- this time of night on a weekend they usually came in on stretchers. He had a big man-purse slung over his shoulder. As he walked up to the desk, he reached into it. OMG I hope it's not a gun! I thought, and then remembered the metal detector at the door. I hoped it was working.

The thing he pulled out wasn't a gun. I started to relax.

With a dull "squish", it landed on the counter in front of me.

I stopped relaxing. It was a human brain.

"Here," he said. "I think this thing is important. It fell out earlier this evening. Had a terrible sneezing fit, and whoops, there it was, rolling off across the floor."

I stared up at him, wondering if there was any way to make sense of what he was saying. And then I noticed that the top of his head was missing.

"Oh, I almost forgot," he added, reaching into his bag again. "This came off, too." It was the top of his head.

"Why aren't you dead!?" I demanded. "You can't live without a brain!"

He looked shocked. "Really?" he said, "I can't? Oh no..." and he collapsed, slowly, in a heap. I jumped over the desk and felt for a pulse. There wasn't any. I hit the intercom.

"Code black at the front desk! Code black!"

As I waited for an intern to come off break and stop by the desk, I pulled up a solitaire game on the computer. I was just about to clear the heart suit when the brainless corpse lying on the floor stood up again. "Hey, I almost forgot!" he said. "You need to know about my allergy meds. Right now I'm just using --" but at that point there was an interruption.

Two large interns came charging out of the break room, and seized him by the arms. "Here, here!" said one of them, "you can't be up walking about like that after a Code Black! Don't you know you're dead?" They led him off to one of the treatment rooms.

Chapter 2: A dragon shot by a shotgun

I was about to phone them to let them know they'd left his brain behind when there was a commotion at the door. "Make way! Make way! Gunshot wound, coming in!" someone was saying.

OK, great, this sounded more like a normal Saturday night. I'd about had it with zombies, or whatever the man-with-no-brain was.

Two orderlies were rolling in someone on a gurney. But ... the patient was apparently face down on the gurney. I was about to ask about that when I noticed something long, thick, and scaly protruding from his left scapular region. It was whipping back and forth every time the gurney hit a bump.

"Shotgun wound. A room, stat!" said the orderly in front.

"That's from a shotgun?" I asked, staring at the weird scaly thing.

"Mrfeaqfbffphh fpp" said the man on the gurney, whose face was buried in a pillow.

"What's that? Speak up!" said the orderly in back, who was next to the man's head. She grabbed his head by the hair and lifted it up. "What did you say??"

"Leggo my hair ouch!" he said. And then added, "It was a shotgun that shoots dragons. Shot me in the back. Wow did that hurt."

See also

• Intensive Care Unit - a.k.a. ICU, to treat articles in Uncyclopedia
• Hospital
• Saturday - when things happen.