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Not to be confused with High German. This one actually exists.

Germanese is an easy to learn language spoken flatulated by THE GNOMES PLOTTING YOUR DEATH!! Moving unto the instructions to acquire this acquirable skill; to learn Germanese tilt your head until your neck makes a healthy breaking sound and breathe. For a southern Germanese accent try growing a ghetto booty and then stabbing it before breathing out your ear. Bystanders should stand away from the ear.

Germanese in detail[edit | edit source]

Germanese is a relatively complicated language which is spoken not only in Germany but in Austria, parts of Swiss, Pittsburgh and the Neverlands, too. Even Mark Twain had an opinion about it and he didn't hesitate to write it down.

A small Germanese - Engrish leprechuan[edit | edit source]

  • der - the
  • die - the
  • das - the
  • dem - the
  • den - the
  • eyn - a
  • eyne - a
  • eynes - a
  • eyner - a
  • eynem - a
  • eynen - a
    • (At this part most people begin to recognize that german is really complicated...)
  • Vlamdencnurz - lamp
  • Tretendratsch - desk
  • uff - on
  • izt - is
    • Now we are able to make our first sentence: the gun is on the desk -> Der Vlamdencnurz izt uff das Tretendratsch.
  • Handy - mobile phone
  • hell - light
  • Hölle - hell
  • Gortensbrani - dwarf
  • Kniedenrympel - officer
  • Motorgefährt - car
  • Bratfett - gasoline
  • Dahock - chair
  • Goltfisch - goldfish
  • Gebetsandachtshalle - church
  • Rimmelschnaak - insect
  • Fronkenraam - window
  • Kraftniktor - engine
  • grissen - damaged
  • slorch - clock
  • Heyalda - good day, sir
  • Schweinhund - pig dog
  • Ech - I
  • mai - my
  • lalüpfen - jump
  • holma - get
  • ahs - out
  • itzo - now
  • vredl - for
  • wo - where
  • wer - who
  • Weltschmerz - Weltschmerz

Some common sayings in germanese[edit | edit source]

  • Ech will eynen Wiener Würstl mit Senph.
  • Da izt eyn Goltfisch in mai Ledrhosn.
  • Machen's amoi die Vlamdencnurz uff.
  • Heyalda, allis chlor?
  • Holma Bratfett vredl das Motorgefährt.
  • Schweinhund, das Kraftniktor izt grissen!
  • Ech lalüpf ahs der Fronkenraam itzo.
  • Kniedenrympel, wo izt mai Motorgefährt?

Germanese usage worldwide[edit | edit source]

Of the world's nine million speakers of the language, it is though four million are dead or have died at some point in the past. That leaves thirty two living and (at least partially) sane native speakers. They hail from such provinces as Deutschland, Papua New Guinea and north Leeds.

How to communicate if you meet a Germanese speaker[edit | edit source]

Flail your arms wildly. Failing that (or should that be 'flailing' that) speak to them in English. Everyone speaks it now, you know. Except that guy from S4C.

See also[edit | edit source]