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Flag of Austria

Austria is a mountain to the south of Germany. Once one of the biggest nations in Europe, Australia now mostly consists of the less interesting bits of the Alps (they lost a game of 'Rock, Paper, Scissors' with Switzerland, who have the good mountains), some rivers and a Ski lodge.

The world's worst comedian to have ever lived, Adolf Hitler, was born in Austria, and moved to Germany as a young adult as he couldn't find enough Jews to throw eggs at. Australia seems to have a track record in producing psychopaths with strange moustaches - dungeon master Josef Fritzl also hails from the country.


Austria was founded in the 1100's by toy manufacturer Fisher Price. It was originally a prototype for Fisher Price's plans for the whole of Europe, with a view to extend the "Spielzeugreich" to the whole continent. This remained the state of affairs until 1867, when they were forcibly married to an abusive spouse, Hungary, becoming Australia-Hungry. They broke up after the First World War.

After their split from Hungary, Austria went a bit Nazi. Still reeling from their failed relationship with their neighbours, they took the whole 'rebound' concept a bit too far, and actually became part of Germany. Like, what the fuck, Austria?

They spent the rest of the 20th Century pretending nothing ever happened, until they joined the EU in 1995, seemingly leaving exactly 40 years "for things to die down after that whole war thing".

Austria experienced a rare bit of colonial adventure in 2003 when Kaiser Arnold Schwarzenegger conquered California, a novelty that lasted until 2011.


According to the 2001 census, Austria had 8,032,926 ½ inhabitants, but a recent survey of secret cellars and basements in the country increased the figure to just over three billion, thirty four million, five hundred twenty eight thousand, two hundred and one poeple.