Happy hardcore

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Happy hardcore is happy but also hardcore. Does that make it the musical equivalent of the Powerpuff Girls or those try-hard pastel goth kids?


A long time ago in Britain, the genres of hardcore techno and whatever the heck acid house is had a baby, which sometime during the 2010s made a Saiyan fusion with Melbourne bounce. Earlier, however, it sounded a lot more like something you'd find at a circus with samples from Play School and Sesame Street. And it was actually somewhat decent.

Sure, the lyrics might have been a bit trite, but that's what made them so relatable. In fact, I don't think I've encountered anyone who hasn't looked their partner in the eyes and said

I wanna see a rainbow high in the sky, I wanna see you and me on a bird flyin' awaaaaeaeaeaeay

before holding them in a sweet, cottonpiley embrace.


The genre rose like Mari Goldenpetals or whatever the heck her name is in popularity during the early-to-mid 2000s the 90s, unless you were Zyzz and expecting some kind of trancey stuff and was initially listened to by eshay lads and prep schoolers. However, as the later part of the decade settled in, many preferred the sound of their household washing machine, with some ordering entire rooms full of them to place in their recording studios.

Of course some people also began exploiting the interests of n3rds and gaymur grills during this period and wrote songs about that Link guy and that Jake guy and whatever that thing from Futurama was.

How to make a right UK hardcore banger m8[1][edit]

UK hardcore is basically the name given to modern happy hardcore by chavs or other people who don't want it to sound cheesy, like a nice fondue.

  1. Write a riff. Deep Purple's Smoke on the Water or Pachelbel's Canon can be good places to start.
  2. Find out chords to go under your riff and write the bassline accordingly. Putting a donk on it is highly recommended if you happen to be Scouse.
  3. Write a hurt/comfort fanfiction without mentioning any character names and set a melody to it.
  4. Get a female vocalist with a catchy name such as Becki, Lexi, Roxie, Emi, Umi or Zoe VanWest to sing your lyrics.
  5. Apply significant pitch correction and reverb to the vocal track.
  6. ???
  7. Profit or maybe not so much thereof, because the entire genre has gone completely underground in recent times.


  1. This one seems to fit the criteria nicely, but probably won't be remixed over 50 times due to not being by Dougal, Gammer or that cereal guy from Australia.