He Blew My Mind

From Illogicopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

This article has been deemed
because it's cool enough to curdle cheese.
See more EPICS



Hope that blew your mind, now back to the story... It was a cold winter morning on the 12th of December with our protagonist Gerald Ramsey on the prowl for some tail. By tail, I mean some you-know-what... Sex. Anyway, Gerald believes to come to a trusty lead for some "Morning Delight" but, like most stories, there is a twist ! *Cue loud, suspenseful music* Hey. can we turn that down?! *Cue suspenseful music at a fair volume, saving the eardrums of the narrator* Thank you! Let the story unfold...

Said Winter Morning[edit]

This story begins with Gerald Ramsey strutting down the oil-filled street with his hands trapped inside his stained trench coat pockets by his own free will. Why the street is filled with oil, that may never be revealed. May never be revealed. I am a sorcerer of story telling, I'm in charge. Anyway, Gerald's legs guide him through the cracked, oily street (will that be the end of the oil?!) towards this hot spot located at the corner of Meredith and 42nd in his hometown of Grenoble, France. By hot spot, i mean:

A. For gang activity

B. For prostitution

C. For alcoholics

Special Option D. For lightning strikes, but c'mon, is that really important?

Gerald searches for B. A little fun every now and then can't hurt can it? Mr. Ramsey is now gliding through the street due to the slick oil and anxious feet. Gerald tumbles out of control and crashes to the Earth in a clumsy manner. He gives his trench coat a rub down to remove all oily substances and resumes his steady, apprehensive pace. Gerald spots a woman in the distance, not too near, not too far. He closely examines her exterior, noticing small bumps around the mouth signaling a form of herpes. Gerald soils himself and goes back to home to change his trousers. As he returns, he notices his shoes are all messy, so he heads back to his flat for a fresh pair of knickers. Gerald begins walking in Ziploc bags to reduce the irritation of dirty shoes.

He travels to the same spot to realize the herpes-ridden female is still waiting on the corner of Meredith and 42nd in Grenoble, France on the 12th of December. Gerald notices she is awaiting his arrival...

The Woman of Gerald's Dreams[edit]

Gerald steadily approaches the woman with a slight smirk on his face and a wrinkle on the forehead he bares. Gerald, not fond of being a gentleman, chooses not to ask the name of this strange hooker lady, who I will now refer to as "Stranger". Yeah, that's right. I just created a new character. I'm the boss. Anyway, Gerald decides to engage a conversation with Stranger.

"Hello, my dear lady ! How are you on this fine evening? Wanna shag?"

Stranger, with a confused look on her face, responds "Well- How do I put this gently I've already shagged several people today. Some men, some women, maybe even a bumblebee. The point I'm trying to make is- Geez, I'm exhausted and contain diseases. Do you still want me?"

Gerald, whilst ejaculating on Stranger's face during this dialogue, cracks a smile and replies "My place or your place? Let's go to your place, mine's being fumigated."

Stranger couldn't agree more.

On The Way To Stranger's Abode[edit]

Gerald is now clenching the hairy, sweaty palms of Stranger as they traverse through the oily streets of Grenoble, France. Stranger vomits several times due to the polluted air, but Gerald ignores it as he focuses on the abandoned street for signs of policemen. After a brief survey of the location is complete, Gerald and Stranger are now on 98th Street which is about 89 miles from Stranger's house. As their pace is progressing, hormones are raging and lust fills the air ! Stranger whispers to Gerald:

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

Gerald, with the thought of every sexual thing in the world racing about the inside of his head, replies:

"Ummm, do you- do you wanna do it out here? In the oily streets? I mean, it's free lubrication and It-"

Stranger interrupts Gerald's speech with a thrust of her hand down his pants.

Gerald moans softly and erases his thoughts as his privates make like a statue and erect.

A Not-So-Average Encounter[edit]

Gerald and Stranger retreat to a dirty alleyway, one of which you wouldn't dare to spit towards, and prepare for this night of luxurious love-making. As Gerald finds a nice bed to lay on (consisting of only newspapers and cardboard cut-outs of Boy George) he notices a strange beeping noise. Gerald then remembered he had a time bomb on his person and threw it into a dumpster close by, defusing the situation, or so he thought. The noise is still lingering ! As Gerald examines the other bins of trash, he proceeds to ask Stranger:

"Do you hear that strange ticking noise? I would think it was my faulty watch, but it seems to be coming from-"

Gerald then looks up and discovers Stranger to be glowing blue, as if she had an aurora surrounding her body. As Gerald Ramsey approaches her, he is suddenly alarmed by a loud siren-like noise and is forced to seek shelter for the sanctity of his hearing. Gerald looks on in disbelief as Stranger slowly rises upwards into the sky with no end in sight. As she reaches past the naked-eye's limit, a loud eruption of sound followed by a blinding light occurs, shaking the foundation of his core. Gerald, scared out of his mind, is knocked unconscious by the disturbance.

The Next Day[edit]

Gerald Ramsey awakes inside his loft in Grenoble, France by the frost seeping through his cracked window. Gerald is surprised he made it back home, but believes that Stranger might have slipped him a roofie the other night. He also notices he is wearing the same clothes which isn't a problem because of his lack of hygiene. Gerald Ramsey slowly crawls out of bed to his desk where he notices a picture of his ex-girlfriend Samantha. He is suddenly reminded of the times they would engage in intercourse. Due to this feeling of nostalgia, Gerald is suddenly aroused. He then glances over to his calendar and notices the date, December 12th. He realizes it is quite chilly outside as well, and decides to dawn a trench coat to resist the temperature. Gerald, feeling rather delightful, chooses to get some tail, and walks outside into the oily street in search for a hooker. He heads for Meredith and 42nd in his hometown of Grenoble, France...