HowTo:Get Anything For Free
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Since I told you how to destroy the world and make financial purchases, all with a Cheezit, I'll show you how to get anything for absolutely no dollars!
Step 1[edit | edit source]
To make this work, you need to execute your plan.[1] Your plan is: Buy stuff, and then use the life hack.
Step 1/2[edit | edit source]
Buy stuff.
Step ∞[edit | edit source]
Walk approximately two miles to the cashier.[2]
Step 2[edit | edit source]
Wait until he says your total. Now, let's say you bought the ever-living god of time and space itself, twenty-two bananas, and a subscription for Disnetflixulu[3][4]. That would round out to about 42,069 dollars and 56 cents. But, since it's the month of Junjulaugust, you get exactly 0.1% off.[5] Now it's 42,069 dollars and 55 cents. You don't have enough money, though. Now, there's three things you can do.
Option 1: Steal[edit | edit source]
This will get you in jail.[6] Unless you want to be in jail... But, don't go to jail. The insane asylum's where it's at.
Option 2: Bribe[edit | edit source]
This involves temporarily exchanging money. Little does the cashier know, the money was a fake! You run off with the stuff.
Option 3: Ascend[edit | edit source]
This is the best option, but it comes with a side effect. Now you don't have to pay, but you're stuck travelling upwards forever and you don't get your subscription for Disnetflixulu.
Option 4: Threaten[7][edit | edit source]
The second best option is to grab your interdimensional being capable of ripping apart the space-time continuum and threaten the cashier with it. What, you're saying you don't have one?[8]
End[edit | edit source]
Thank you for listening and I hope you get your groceries for free next time. Also, if I see a spelling mistake, I will fix it. And by fix it, I mean make more of them.
- ↑ Duh. Of course you have to.
- ↑ This depends on what store you're in.
- ↑ Basically Disney+, Netflix, and Hulu combined into one so you can watch three things overlapped on top of eachother.
- ↑ And apparently streaming subscriptions are physical objects. Hey, this is Illogicopedia. What did you expect?
- ↑ WHAT A DEAL!!!!1!
- ↑ But, if you can outrun the police, the stuff's all yours.
- ↑ Remember when I said 'three options?' I was lying.
- ↑ Well, you should have one.