iStuff

As you may or may not care, the company 'Apple', who I cannot name for legal reasons, has already produced a long line of iProducts, such as the iPod, iPod video, iPod mini, iPod nano, iPod shuffle, iPod shuffle mark II and iPhone. They have, however, recently named the next few items in their iList.

The iRange

• The "Original" iPhone: Not to be confused with the eye-fone, as this is pronounced Eye-Puh-Hoe-Nee. This is the first iPhone created, and transports you to the magical land full of ponies (or was it unicorns?) that take lots of pictures and are constantly exercising their thumbs. Comes in versions of up to 9001!
• The iPhone shuffle: Bored of chatting to the same people, week in, week out? Problem solved!! Simply press the hash button to dial a random number!!
• The iSpy: A brilliant camera that can be attached to any wall!! Great for showers, comes in white, black or camo colours.
• The iSpy nano: Just like the Ispy, but smaller and therefore harder to detect!!
• The iHatemyself: Nifty razorblade with 2 gig memory that comes in a range of colours.
• The iRadicate: Apple's own nerve gas. Great for parties, ending people etc.
• The iEye: A handy eye for those who are bored of normal everyday eyes. Allows the user to see in range of colours. 4 gig memory.
• The iSle of Wight: A popular tourist area just off the south coast of England. Comes in white or black.
• The iPood: A funky toilet thay plays music whilst you crap, to mask unpleasant noises.
• The ihouse A funky house which costs £100. Comes in Slum,Semi-Detached and Mansion.
• The iCar: An attractive sports coupe with over 300 gigs Horsepower.
• The iCar shuffle: Tired of having to spend your time and effort driving - no more! This revolutionary new product will drive at top speeds in random directions so you don't have to.
  

  Floating trumpet pistons occur when listening to an ipod while standing in a puddle
• The iDishwasher: Like any dishwasher, but available in white, black or pink, and can store over 4 gigs of dishes/cutlery.
• The iLlness: Like other 4 gig terminal diseases but so much with more! Is slightly more silver and metallic and comes with a funky protective case.
• The iScold: The device André 3000 uses to keep cool.
• The iCarly: Some web show involving grapes.
• The iGod: The latest release from The Vatican. Only $39.99, what a deal!
• The IlogiciPod: Um...what ?
• The irack: Stores all ya stuff in a handy rack!
• The iran: The fastest shoe in the whole universe!
• The iT: The device that may hand out free ice cream, lollipops, and remote controlled iSpy nanos! Note: If you are suddenly picked up by a white van, do not attempt to sue Apple. Sue the Pears instead.
• The iDiot: Similar to the Illogicopod, this device scrambles up your messages so bad that you stare at the screen for over 9000 minutes, trying to figure out the message. You then fall into a ditch that causes you to become mentally stoopid. Note: This is probably not a scammer or a false prophet typing your future in this. Err...ILLOGIC!

Be sure to check out these products and more at www.theAPPLEsiteLOL.com/org.uk!

Warning: Products may not actually exist in shit. Reading this means Apple gains the rights to sue you. And then sex you. Copyright for the Ibrand is owned by some guy from Imerica, who hates black people, because he's totally not racist! Apple is illogical. This article is illogical. What loser actually reads the smallprint, you loser? You're a total loser. It hates you. News just in: Apple is sueing you! Pears > Apples.

See also

• A union of people from Apple Computers trying to shut down Microsoft and kill Bill Gates with a magical web show that can alter reality.