IllogiBooks:The U.S. History You Never Learned in School/Revolt

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Eventually, the Americans just go plain sick of the British taxes, military, people, and just plain existance of it in the first place. And, with this mindset of hatred, so began the revolt.

The Boston T Party[edit | edit source]

Once, many Bostonians decided it would be great to have a massive Tea Party down by the bay. However, since they were probably high or something, they ended up throwing all of the tea into the bay right next to them instead of drinking it. For some strange reason, Britain got really mad at them (maybe it was because of use of controlled substances) and sent military over there.

The Boston Mass Occur[edit | edit source]

Since the colonists were totally pissed off about taxes and having no say and all of that they decided to revolt! DUH NUH NUH!! (Is it just me or does revolt sound like a handgun that's half revolver, half colt .45?) They decided to throw rocks at British soldiers in Boston for shitz and gigglez. The soldiers decided to shoot wildly into the crowd and ended up killing a couple people. One was a man named Crispus Attucks (whose name sounds like a cereal). He was an African American sailor. See? Even British soldiers are racist. Many believe this incident, known as "The Boston Mass Occur" was the start of the AMERICAN REVOLUTION.

The Battle at Lexington and Concord[edit | edit source]

Though this is technically part of the American Revolution, it wasn't mentioned there so here it is. It all started when some British troops was all like, "We gotsta stop this revolt" and they marched into this town called Lexington and Concord and the American minutemen were all like, "Aw, hell naw". The battle took place on a bridge of some sort and like 15 people died. It was more of a skirmish. Tussle, if you will. Hm... Which word is cooler? Skirmish just sounds awesome but tussle is really fun to say... I dunno.

Guided Practice Questions[edit | edit source]

  1. Why was Crispus Attucks shot?
  2. What does this have to do with Morgan Freeman?
  3. Why were they called minutemen?

Answers[edit | edit source]

  1. Because he was black.
  2. Morgan Freeman is involved because as everyone knows, he is God and God has to do with everything.
  3. Because they were named after MinuteMaid orange juice. (Or was it the other way around?)
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