IllogiNews:Do orangutans take hostages?
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ANNAPOLIS, Maryland -- Patagonian mongoose handlers lined the streets of this, the home of the United States Naval Academy, to observe a pony festival today, but instead were allegedly taken hostage by a group of renegade orangutans. Navy shore patrol volunteers broke up the initial demonstration this morning at 8:30am, by executing a thorough boot to the head maneuver.
Surviving rioters returned to the scene 49 minutes later carrying signs, ratchet sets and ambivalent hormones. Visiting dignitaries from nearby Montreal exerted influence by producing hippopotamoose entrails during a pre-trial hearing, but to no avail.
It was then that a brace of pony festival participants were descended upon by Mafiosi orangs, primates who were bona fide "made apes", having sworn an oath of Omerta. It is alleged by witnesses that the apes then took several pony enthusiasts hostage, pointing sharp sticks at them and chanting union slogans from the 1920s.
More from IllogiNews as this story develops.