IllogiNews:Four-legged phallus-shaped monster terrorizes village
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Octodest 23, two thousand and ten
SPEWSVILLE, KENTUCKY - A small village in local Kentucky has recently had numerous reports of a monster terrorizing citizens. The town has gone to code red security warning, which involves constant pick'mup truck surveillance and shotgun-armed redneck guards at the edges of town.
"It was large, white, had four legs, and was strangely pear-shaped," says Richard Head, a witness. "It was also squirting a white, salty liquid everywhere. I assumed it was poisonous and left that alone."
Several witnesses claim to have seen the beast stick it's head into holes, including tree trunks, windows, portholes, and some people have even claimed it stuck its head up their arse.
"The fucker raped me." says John Long, another witness, whilst marrying his cousin.
Other crimes have been committed by the monster. It's broken cars windows, flopped around, and crushed someone's car. Says one anonymous witness: "I'm pretty sure it was humping it. I mean, my view was obscured, but with a giant pear-shaped thing like that, it's not hard to miss."
This sort of species has never been identified before in the world. Biologists are working hard to capture the animal and to study it. Some say it my be a deformed horse, giant semi-conscious pear, or a collective mass of bird droppings.
Wait a second, is that a penis?