IllogiNews:Mad scientist humor

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Voracious predators, the hippo crab can consume 60,000 times its body weight in minutes.

PUNGENT HORSE, Alaska -- Preachy scientists announced to any who would listen that an infestation of the hippo crab in the Western United States and Canada is imminent. Simon Urgency of Tufts Medical near Boston told this reporter that, "this is no small thing, even though hippo crabs are small things. They crab you with their creepy little poisonous claws, and crab you more with their little hippo mouths."

As a result, a black market somnambulist named Frenusia Smoked-Herring couldn't help but giggle as the Claw said, "Not craw, craw!" Oh, those old episodes of Get Smart with Don Pardo and Jimi Hendrix, how they did make the torreadors mumble through their mustaches.

Canadian beer companies are capitalizing on the phenomenon, several of them featuring a Hippo Crab Ale.

Hippocrates was pleased to learn that hippo crabs do no harm.

Sources[edit]

  • Moldy bread, cannabis

See Also[edit]