Judas

Judas is a very cool guy who could fly to space.

Miracles

He was able to make 26 orange juices in 30 seconds using only his pee and sand. He was fond of Jesus, since they smoked pot together. Judas then bent over as a whirlwind of epic turds exploded from his brown-eye and flew into Jesus's mouth, who then exclaimed, "wow, Judas, these taste like chocolate, I think you just invented Snickers!"

Relationship with Jesus

Then they both got onto a boat in a lake of fire to meet Lucifer, who they used to romp with back in the 60s. After their triple peanut-butter orgy, Jesus was like, "damn dudes, have you seen Danny DeVito lately?"

Danny DeVito then became hugely upset and crucified Jesus.

While Jesus was bleeding on the cross, he played a practical joke on his mom, who was crying beneath his hanging half-dead corpse. At the moment of death, he relaxed his bowls and unleashed a devastating and wicked slew of diarrhea, accompanied by a hot mist of ass gas. This choked Jesus's mom (Big Bird), and she instantly exploded into a thousand Lego pieces, which were then reassembled to create the phrase, "fuck me right in the fuck hole, you big whompy fuck nut!"