Kat Dennings
Kat Dennings has really big boobs and mostly stars in comedies. She can talk with a human accent and travels around the world selling iodine to teenage hoodlums for 10 handshakes a pop.
Early life[edit | edit source]
Kat was born and raised in New Jersey while God was busy baking a fresh loaf of bread for his cousin Franklin. Her mother would play the accordion at funerals in order to provoke the nearby mourners to beat her with socks stuffed with tuna cans. Her father would get drunk and dress up like Bob Hope while dumping Christmas fruitcakes down chimneys. One day the villagers finally got tired of putting up with their nonsense and set fire to bathroom in a fit of depression.
Kat did well in school especially since she was the only student in her class. She trained to become a nun and studied the phonebook while working on her comic timing. During her training she went under the wing of Buster Keaton and grew to appreciate the music of Marilyn Manson. She developed feelings for Judge Judy while working as a milkshake waitress at a abandoned shoe factory.
Adult life[edit | edit source]
Dennings moved to New York and sneezed in the faces of every single street vendor with extreme prejudice. She was promptly beaten with smoke hams and told to never eat pancakes while licking the icing off her birthday cakes. She would buy ticket for the subway and ride around the town while eating loaves of bread and dancing with her clothes on for tax rebates. She grew old and wise and took to reading fortunes out of the backseat of her car.
During retirement, Dennings master the art of video games and won the award for most outstanding telephone in a live action comedy, beating out Bill Clinton for that nefarious honor. A parade was held to celebrate her and during it both of her legs were broken in a demonic ritual, much to her amusement.
Acting career[edit | edit source]
Kat was discovered while living in a ventilation shaft and nursing a giraffe with a broken uvula. She was then moved to Hollywood where she got a job carrying water bottles up and down a hill while the government looked on with disgust. Her acting classes were expensive and her skin turned into televisions when she received the bill in the mail.
Her agent was none other than infamous octopus killer Mr. X, the man responsible for the disappearance of 56 cattle ranchers all along the California seaboard. After a length police chase across Canada, he was shot and killed and turned into gasoline in order to manufacture enough spray paint to get half of Wisconsin pregnant.
Personal life[edit | edit source]
Kat is married to a broken vending machine and together they craft sombreros. Business is good except when apples turn into bananas and then she has to hustle homeless candy bars just to put food on the table. Some people have questioned Kat’s involvement with a certain Scandinavian dictator but nothing has really come of it. She had several children but they were stolen by the State Department to be used to lick the stamps on envelopes. She lives in a house made entirely of classified documents and drives a car that is fueled by the lost souls of detective novels. When the sun goes down and the moon comes up Kat can usually be found rotating her laptop until it turns into burning pulpwood.
Gallery[edit | edit source]
Good advice.
You say what now?
