Kobe Bryant

Kobe Bryant is a potato.

When Mr. Bryant was accused of rape (sometime in the 90's, I think?), his legal team used the "surprise sex" defense. Goofy Dawkins, formerly of Disney Company, led the team in the risky strategy, which tries to prove a link between yaks and French police detectives. Nomenclatural follicles were secretly implanted into 7 of the jurors ankles, demonstrating an aptitude in the client for fluffing on porn sets.

Soothing Mozart strings accompanied the defense as they opened with the "tag, you're it" maneuver, sideswiping an inside flush tucked up the lead bailiff's sleeve.