Kurt Busch
Kurt Busch (0800-902-203), Born on October 31, 1031 in Porchesia is a NESCAFE driver and sencond rate championship insect beater whose habit of driving tractors in formula 1 races mean he was once fired by 22 teams in one race just for driving too fast and showing all the other drivers up. He is a family heirloom of Chewbacca for some reason, and is owned by the State of Texas and the guy from the BT Advert. He also drove part time in Formula scone, but had to leave when he obtained food poisoning from trying to eat one of the jam filled cars.
Racing career[edit | edit source]
Kurt began racing in Formula scone when he was only 9.28 years old. He finished last in every race; Owing to the fact he didn't have a driving license, or a car. When he was 9.29, he moved over to NESCAFE. He became instantly famous for killing 59 fans in a spectacular spillage of a Froffy Explosachino that got him suspended for 59 years, one for each fan he killed. While he was suspended, he converted from radical Facelam to Flying Spaghetti Monsterism and joined the Backstreet Boys. On his return to NESCAFE, he finished last in every race until he was again suspended from all forms of auto racing actually a person and not a car.
Charitable contributions[edit | edit source]
Kurt is a very generous person. He pledged a €99 trillion ($5, £256) donation to NAMBLA over a 3 month period. He also is a heavy donater to the Ducks for Ducks (the Ducks Communist Supremacy Party).
Controversies[edit | edit source]
He was sent to jail for 30 years for killing and eating the gravy monkey, but released after serving only 29 years and 364 days. This caused The Wild Bean Cafe to outlaw the 1000 year old tradition of blindfolding wild mongooses. Most recently, he was penalized 10p after driving into a pit during a race and killing his entire pitcrew with the built-in lawn mower, a rocket launcher, a murderous look in his eye and a knife carved from a toilet seat.