Listerine

Listerine is an extremely dangerous drug, extoling a terrible fate upon its addicts. Listerine addicts, also known as 'Listies' Listerheads', and 'Reeners' are turned into mumbling crackheads, with an overpowering smell of mint clinging to the surrounding air. Mouthwash houses are fast sweeping the world with people going for a quick swill at lunch, and coming out days later broken. It was invented in Glasgow, Scotland in 1782 by Joseph Lister. He also invented carbolic soap, the Microwave(while trying to nuke Schroedinger's gray cat), and used all 3 to make Listerine (including the cat).

This threat must be stopped - mothers, keep your kids away from the evils of Listerine!

Listerine is tasty, minty, and clean. It turns your teeth all white and green.

Listerine gets rid of dirt, grime, and grease in 60 seconds. Listerine is stronger because of its power.

Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's Listerine.