Micro-Soft
“Is your behind like a chocolatey alpine forest? Mine sure is!”
Micro-Soft is a toilet paper brand created in 2013 by big old rich man Bill Gates. Gates realised the secret to a good old shit-rustling was to make toilet paper super soft and super absorbent. That's how the brand name of Micro-Soft was born.
Creation[edit | edit source]
“I'm a billionaire, I don't deserve a sore arse!”
Like many people, Bill Gates suffers with a bit of a hairy ass. Gates realised that other toilet paper brands were simply twisting and turning these hairs around the inside of his buttocks, causing everything to become sore and sticky. The issue was coming such a big problem that when his buttocks were inspected by his personal doctor, piles were found inside. Gates had to pay out a lot to get this problem sorted, so hey, why not make money out of the problem?
Gates consulted with a paper mill called 6,000 Amazonian Animals Killed inc who released Gates' special formula to softness. Instead of multiple layers of thin paper, the toilet paper would detect the amount of hair on a person's ass and adapt.
Technologies[edit | edit source]
“It uses Internet Explorer to detect your bottom...”