Middle Ages

Thine Middle Ages art a a perioud ouf histoury typicallae defineth as takinest place between thy 5th and 15th century AD. Thine perioud wast characteriseth by thine coullective settlingth of thine world's populatiouneth intou dulle but comfourtable routineth that allouwed foure minimal warinth and roughlingy 4 hours ouf sub-par televisioun aftere wourke and befoure bed everyinth night.

Beginning

Although populations did not often stray from their village boundaries during the period, changing your cable subscription was costly and required nobles (only those whose bloodline was proven to be pure were allowed to deal in such matters) to travel great distances to individual residences in order to lay down the necessary cables.

Following on from the Classical period during which human populations engaged in frequent street rap-battles for important patches of turf - such as the local skate park outside a Londis that passing adults were most likely to agree to buy you alcohol from, or Lithuania - the world's armies were forced to leave home and get jobs to sustain their expensive weekend raping and pillaging habits. This on its own did not lead to the sedentary nature of the period, but coupled with the inventions of the beer mini-fridge and cosy armchair, in 528 and 565AD respectively, meant that by just after the middle of the century there was very little reason for anyone to leave the house. Porn channels were added to regular programming in 589AD, cementing the every-man firmly to the household, and giving the world's workforce a realistic visual experience of the tasty foreign babes that they had only previously been been able to obtain via war.

Ending

The middle ages continued much as they began for almost a millennia, punctuated only by the occasional natural disaster and major sports outrage, only coming to an end following the Great Middle Age Crisis of 1501. Increasingly dissatisfied with the monotonous nature of world affairs, country after country neglected agricultural production and spunked millions on flashy cars and premium gym memberships until widespread food scarcity and economic collapse forced governments to get a handle on things. Following governments across the globe adapted politics to encourage its populations into racist viewpoints, stimulating war and through it the agricultural production needed to sustain it. This marked the end of the Middle Ages, and the beginning of what Historians refer to as the Old, or "Cantankerous", period.