Mini Ketchup

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Mini Ketchup is a brand of ketchup manufactured by The Stuff Company, based in Sparta. The ketchup has become very popular among Pelvis fans, as well as with the majority of people who are not pelvis fans. The source of its name, and the main reason for its popularity, is that the ketchup bottles used to contain it are incredibly small, and so 10 bottles of it could fit in one's pocket. A major benefit of this is that when a person is told, "Bet you can't fit 10 bottles of ketchup in your pocket," the person will win if they buy Mini Ketchup.


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The advantage of being able to win a bet such as one mentioned above was used very heavily in the early ads. The first series of ads would always go something like this:

Person #1: Bet you can't fit 10 bottles of ketchup in your pocket.

Person #2: Well, then, it's a bet!

They shake hands. One of those clock-like rotation transitions occurs, which 10% of the time results in one of the characters from the previous scene being swept away by the incoming next scene ("AAAAAH!"). In the next scene, Person #2 reaches into pocket and pulls out 10 bottles of Mini Ketchup. Person #1 hands over the bet money.

An example of an early ad for Mini Ketchup in billboard/poster form is a picture of a bottle of Heinz ketchup, with the words "IT DOESN'T FIT IN YOUR POCKET!" inscribed to its right, with a small bar at the bottom supporting mini ketchup.

Then the advertisers of Mini Ketchup began looking for ways of making the product more appealing to kids. This inspired the series of posters/billboards that proclaimed, "You can fit it in your NOSTRIL!" and had an image of a nostril with a bottle of Mini Ketchup protruding from within.

Micro Ketchup[edit]

When Mini Ketchup had become a major success, the manufacturers began to release an even smaller production: Micro Ketchup. Just as Mini Ketchup had caused a major phenomenon among human beings, Micro Ketchup reached an equally high level of popularity with ants and other small insects. To make this possible, however, billboards had to be placed in front of anthills. This resulted in the Billboard Stepping-On Disaster of 2002.3.

The ketchup sold like Hairy Potter books among the ants. However, the currency of ants is their excrement; therefore, the marketers, instead of making big bucks, were flooded in ant poo.

Nano Ketchup[edit]

After the astounding success of Mini and Micro Ketchup, the obvious question that was occupying the planning of the marketers was, "How can we go further?" Then the answer came to them: NANO KETCHUP.

Soon, microscopic billboards filled petri dishes across the country, advertising to bacteria the benefits of Nano Ketchup. The bacteria consumed the ketchup, and began processing it using photosynthesis and other organic processes into checks written to the Marketers of Nano Ketchup. Because bacteria are more plentiful than any other kingdom of organisms on this planet, Nano Ketchup turned out to be what really earned the company money more than anything else.