Navy Gorvis

The Backstory

When a man scratches his back and tells a story simultaneously, you usually get a pretty solid backstory. So if you would excuse me, I am going to scratch my back and tell a story. to you. Within the molecules of a muffin, one will find a bond unlike any other. Bonds of sunshine, bonds, donds. Cronds. Crond was a pelican from Southern Nippleville, a town where the tigers roar, the belches are loud, and the belchers will frown. Day is night, night is day, and dight is nay. But, alas, nay is not dight. As a matter of fact, nay is just a sad orphan girl from Manchcrown. Manchcrown is a stellar doodle fart. If you've ever seen a manchcrown, then you should probably kill yourself right now, because your fate is much worse if you continue living. Usually salad will start coming from your body holes. Salad out the nose, salad out your peen. Salad. Salad. Balsamic vinegar dripping from all your pores. Be wary, for you will make awful stenches wherever you may go. Oh goodness. OH HOODGESS. This won't be fun for anyone. I beg you, end your sorry life, because no one wants to see this. This. This. This. This. BIG BAG OF GROCERIES. You'd think that they'd have the courtesy to put like groceries with like. Bread shouldn't be packed with your new butchers knife. It'll probably puncture your bread. BREAD BREAD BREAD BREAD DREAD OF NIGHT. BLACK THINGS CREEP BEHIND YOU AND SLASH YOUR MELONS OH WHAT A FRIGHTFUL FRIGHTFUL RIGHTEOUS THING.

This is it. Brace yourself, lad.

And it just keeps going

The buzzing gets louder, and your ears do not register it.(though your toes do) It keeps buzzing around your head, and you know it is there, but once it burrows itself into your ear, it is too late. The Crubbular has dug into your brain, and you can no longer think freely. It has you. The time has come. Give in. Don't fight it. Crubulars know best. Let your senses give way. Surrender yourself to all that is RIGHTEOUS. Glory to him, and his kingdom. A kingdom of grass and of leaves.

Hark Hark Hark the Harbinger of old.