Neil DeGrasse Tyson
“Does the full moon affect people’s behavior, you ask? Yup. It makes people think the full moon affects people’s behavior.”
Neil DeGrasse Tyson is a chicken wing tycoon, performance artist, theologian and sinister killer of planets. Born in the United States to Rogues Scholar Buckminister "Silly" DeGrasse Tyson and charter boat captain Gretchen nee Grappling Hook-DeGrasse Tyson.
“The study of theology, as it stands in Christian churches, is the study of nothing; it is founded on nothing; it rests on no principles; it proceeds by no authorities; it has no data; it can demonstrate nothing; and it admits of no conclusion. Not anything can be studied as a science, without our being in possession of the principles upon which it is founded; and as this is the case with Christian theology, it is therefore the study of nothing.”
Since, as a theologian, he was a student of nothing, DeGrasse Tyson applied his expertise toward creating chicken wings out of nothing. In 1983, he developed the first Halal cruelty-free chicken wing, and began to stockpile them at key locations throughout the United States and Canada. He also built a congregation of the cynical, directing their prayers to the creation of a chicken wing company, publicly traded and worth trillions.
Having made himself financially comfortable, the man of faith redirected his attentions to discovering ways to use string theory to make cheese Chuck Norris string cheese echidnas into "the new, new white meat".