No one
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I bet you thought that you were going to come to this page, safe from alien invaders, but you are wrong, I, Mr. No One am here, and I suggest that you leave the premises immediately for trespassing in my home and eating all my scones. Those scones were my favourite flavour.
However, your friend can stay, I like him.
...no, the one sitting on your right... ...on your OTHER right...
...dressed as a cowboy...
...no, that's a gimp costume...
...ah, yes... mmmmmmmmm.
Now, BE GONE. Forever.