Poetry

Poetry is the language of the poets, goats and bears. It is best delivered in a giggling voice while naked, although in later generations this tradition has diminished. Award winning poetry is the usually the worst kind, with no rhyme a story that makes no sense. The Illogicopedia Government strictly forbids poetry which doesn't rhyme, and anyone who breaks this rule will be tickled to death. Poetry was begot by a very emotional person, referred to as an emo, who had nothing and wrote about it. The outcome was a style of writing which drives everyone insane because it is so overwhelmingly pointless. The poets now have something and are happy, yet they still write their sad little stories which could have been easily told in 12 words, but is explained in 200-10000 words, a count which makes me fail at poetry. Yet it does not matter because poetry will eventually lead to the downfall of civilized society and create world war 3.

Shakespeare

William Shakespeare, who for humour purposes will be referred to as "Willie Shakes" from this point on, was the master of poetry. But historians have recently discovered that Willie Shakes was not a genius but a man inflicted with rhymitus - a incurable condition in which the sufferer speaks only in poetic prose. He would speak poetry in every moment of his daily life, from getting up in the morning and fondling the shepherds sheep to binge drinking himself into a drunken stupor at night. His close friend and partner Christopher Marlowe often wrote down these poetic speeches, which later became the staple method of torturing school children. One of Willie Shakes' most acclaimed works, entitled "O thou Beans, why doth ye toot'st so?" follows:

Beans beans, good for your heart;
Beans beans, make you fart.
The more you fart, the better you feel;
So let's have beans for every meal!

Beans beans, good for your heart;
The more you eat, the more you fart.
The more you fart, the more you eat;
The more you sit on the toilet seat

Beans, beans, the musical fruit.
The more you eat, the more you toot.
The more you toot, the better you feel.
So lift your leg, and let them squeal!

Beans, beans, they're good for your heart.
The more you eat, the more you fart.
The more you fart, the more you smell.
So eat more beans and fart like hell!

The apocalyptic catalog

Civilization will end in poetry,

when all the stars will have faded,

and when the last of humans

have deleted all of Registry.

Consulting the far darkness,

to the end of this world,

an observer gets sentimental so,

and sings of it while nibbing a stick of kebab.

Not an example

Violets are blue

Roses are red

This makes no sense

I am hungry

Violets are red

Roses are green

I am Schmargle-Orange

And I am colorblind.

Egg-sample

One egg

Two eggs

Spoiled eggs

Green eggs

Hooray! It's Poetry!