Portable cow
The portable cow is the only bovine that will fit in your pocket, providing your pants are the size of a small country. Its primary purpose is to provide the carrier with a short blast of nutritious milk on the go, just enough for a mug of tea or to put on your breakfast cereal. Marketed by Kellogg's, each portable cow comes with a small piece of turf, which will keep the product functioning properly for up to three weeks before a new one is required. Because the grass is semi-artificial, it is both environmentally friendly and non-toxic, at least to humans and portable cows. The effects on cats and other small animals is as yet unknown.
A secondary benefit of the portable cow is that it is instantly edible. Unlike full-size cows, which are these days considered large, cumbersome and unsuitable for an individual's snacking needs, the portable cow is completely boneless and will provide a substantial between-meals beef hit comparable to a large pack of cow-flavoured crisps or medium-sized rump steak with peppers.
Alternatively, the owner of a portable cow may choose to utilise the product as a large pipe cleaner, floor buffer or water/milk pistol on hot days. This also serves the function of tenderising the meat in preparation for consumption at a later date, as long as it is within a four week period. Portable cows can also be employed as impromptu frisbees, tennis balls or miniature poodles should the occasion call for it. In fact, the usefulness of the product is limited only by the purchaser's imagination and sometimes a meat pulveriser.