Seekers of Doom
(This treatise was originally titled "Successors of 3D existence" and different in tone and details, but it passed through a team of translators before reaching you.)
You are Seekers of Doom. Definitely. You have no idea how doomed you are. Nor how gloomy it will all be. Truly, horribly gloomy. We (the spooky editorial we) know – indeed, we do. We certainly know of your... doom. And the doom will be gloomy and the gloom will be doomful.
The doomiest, err, gloomiest, part of it all is that... Ehh, are you still reading? Damn, we lost our audience. Now they aren't doomed anymore. Oops, I wasn't supposed to say that. (The translator was fired and will shortly be replaced. – The editor)
The only good thing awaiting you all is that soon enough, you will have passed through the terrible period of time which, actually, wasn't so terrible. It was actually the beginning of a brighter future. The time in which the gloomy past is a distant memory awaits.
The third paragraph beginning with "the" is indeed the mark of genius. Not my own, mind you. No, I'm just a translator. The actual material being translated is – (The translator was fired for contradicting the the the bringing up too much stuff outside the scope of the work which should have been done. – The editor)
This is the whole point: doom. Got the message? Gloom. Got it? That's it – we're done!
(Damn, it looks as if they didn't get it the way we tried to convey it. What, how d– this was included? Now we've truly messed up. – The editor)