Splork says the fork

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"Splork says the fork" is a kind of test. Some would call it an intelligence test, while others would find the idea very offensive.

The actual phrase is a placeholder. In its place can be held various things.

The act of saying, "Splork says the fork", says a great deal, but interpretations vary. Indeed, the meaning of "Splork says the fork" forks. The saying is forked in its implications. By the time the "splork" leaves your mouth, it is best to be conscious of the semantic fork-bomb which closely trails it, even though it may leave your own personal mental space undisturbed.

Danger may or may not await those who say it. Depending on the culture and environment, to say it may be to say it all, in one or more senses.

A few descriptions follow, so as to illustrate.

Bad historical setting, variation 1[edit]

"Splork says the fork".

– (Unsheathes sword.) "Traitor! Scum! In the name of the Emperor, and by the Gods, you shall die right there where you stand!"

Bad historical setting, variation 2[edit]

"Splork says the fork".

– "Heresy! The devil must have taken you! What you have said is so profoundly terrible, so deeply horrible, that only fire at the stake can cleanse your soul! You may wish to pray as we lead you there."

Bad historical setting, variation 3[edit]

"Splork says the fork".

– (Who is this person? Obviously a schizophrenic, or at least a severely psychotic individual. This case is obviously so bad that intervention is needed. Leaving this building is out of the question...) "If you would like to come along, I have a few questions to ask..."

Bad historical setting, variation 4[edit]

"Splork says the fork".

– "Nazi! Communist! Totalitarian anarchist! Tin-foil hatter! Liberal nutter! Conservative imbecile! Hater! Tree-hugger! Lazy tramp! I'll sue! You're fired, and your name is all over the news!"

Meeting a philosophical mind[edit]

"Splork says the fork".

– "Is it that the fork says 'splork', or is it that 'the fork' is said by the splork?"


"Splork says the fork" has the potential to reveal the very essence of human nature.

No more will be said, so as to avoid the risk of attracting the attention of law enforcement, intelligence agencies, or other types of agents who would prefer a very different state of affairs.