String Cheese Theory

From Illogicopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

String Cheese Theory is a controversial explanation for life, the universe and cheeses. First collated by an unemployed welder with too much time on her hands in 1982, the roots of the theory lie in the discrepancy between relativity theory and quantum maniacs. Fierce arguments between the two camps focused on the question of how cheeses and bananas can coexist in an infinite 11 dimensional macrocosm[1]

The idea that string cheese had something to do with ultimate reality originated with mozzarella. It is reasonable to assume that because mozzarella was the first cheese sold in string form in the United States, that it is an American theory, and will be in the running for the Leavening Science Awards. With all of that filthy money, the Americans purchased huge amounts of cyclotrons, lollygagging consultants, experts on Giovanni Boccacio, tree goats and cigarettes.


  1. Yeah, I know I'm using the word "macrocosm" incorrectly, or at least obliquely, ya fecking nube. I'm fecking with your mind, yo. Garrulous Dregs luster a quandary artisanally sanctioned with teeth and marrow, gilded on the inside and wretched for all the world to see. I warn you, abandon your yeasty ways and accept the rejection that is zimizmizm.

Sometimes thought of as a simplified version of string theory, the same people often referred to by the 44th US president, they say this version of string theory tastes the best. Even when consumed without prior separation from the mother piece of cheese, this form of string theory often listens to J Hype.