Stuck In a Hot Air Balloon

AAAAAAAAA! I'm way friggin high up in some giant ballon thing and guess what? I'm stuck in it. I don't know how the hell I got up here with this can of beans and pillow cases. Dear Lord save me.

That's me! Don't ask how I got the picture.

Early this morning

I was raking the leaves off of my fish tank when I noticed a Billy Goat. There it was. Just standing there. Staring at me. At this point I had to call my neighbor because the two might have been cousins. You never know. So I called 911 because the Police and Firestations were my neighbors and once again they assumed my house was on fire, promptly throwing beer bottles out the windows of their cars at passing ducklings. One duck had it's ear taken clean off when I farted.

Then

Twenty birds came down and pooped on me. I mean, WTF? So I went to the local liquor store and bought a banana and when the ducklings passed by I put the peel right in front of them and they all slipped and broke their heads so I laughed! HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHHHHAHAHAHHQ! But then I must have passed out because...

I woke up

Inside of this balloon with beans and a pillow case. Talk about irony!

And the moral of the story is

Monkeys have ears and never have sex without a condom.